Barry's Guide to Pokémon
by xotennisloverxo
Summary: Barry – a self-proclaimed connoisseur with a supposed fundamental knowledge in Pokémon – has come to host his own show where he'll discuss every species of Pokémon. With guest appearances by Paul, Dawn, Ash, Reggie and more, things will certainly heat up!


**A story where Barry will take you on a journey regarding his view of each species of Pokémon. He's not holding anything back, so be prepared that your favorite Pokémon might somewhat become tainted. So I hope anyone who reads it, enjoys it. Don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon. All rights reserved to the owners. However, I do own the plot of this story and any OC's.**

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><p>Amber eyes droned onto the stage of exposure. Trembling hands became evident by his release of the unnaturally tight tie clicking to his neck. Stoking – threading – fingers into his luscious blond hair only allowed for a higher caliber of anxiety. In attempting to quench the absurdity of nerves, he quickly drowned a bottle of water.<p>

Upon deciding that he would establish his own informational Pokémon show, he knew he would have to have every prospect be better than perfect, but flawless. That would be the only way to attain a substantial, interested audience. That was the only way he wanted to do it. He was going to take it to the extreme – he wanted to cause controversy and he planned to. A television show reveling around the common belief and evading the contrary? No. He was going to create something purely unknown to the common man. He was going to make history.

And he was going to do it with an episode by episode talk show regarding each and every species of Pokemon.

"Barry, go, you're on," the director behind the stage said as he shoved him into the limelight of the camera.

The hyperactive blond stumbled onto the stage, immediately becoming blind under the intense light of the camera's scope. He sheepishly smiled into the camera, then focused.

_I'm going to blow these peoples minds. _

Barry knew what he was doing. Barry knew what we wanted. Barry swiftly swiped his hands together, then focused into the center of the camera.

An obvious smirk aimed at the camera – smirking in indication of his soon to be discharged insanity – and then spoke ecstatically, "Hello! I'm BARRY! Welcome to my show! I would like to personally tell you that this show will be like no other, it will be the most amazing thing that your eyes have ever laid on! You all _will _be my bitches!"

He flailed his arms crazily in excitement, nearly destroyed the recording camera in the process, and went to go sit behind his too-big for the stage desk. The marble, rather pretentiously mattered desk had various doodles in crayon that Barry did the night before. He wanted this personal desk of his to reflect his inner core of thoughts. Though, the doodles clearly divulged into a different track of mind. Either depicting Pokémon birth or smiley faces, it would be hard to decipher what he truly intended to mean. Other than his desk, Barry had two luxurious, large black loveseats placed in front of his desk in accompanied by various flowers of different smells and colors.

Once behind the desk, he put his legs up and aimlessly started to go through papers – wanting to come off as an intellectual of sorts – and started talking again.

"So all you sexy people watching this show, I want to inform you that I will have various people come in to discuss my topics with me and later on today, I will be having Paul Shinji, the Champion of Sinnoh, coming in! So without further ado, I will commence the first episode of this show! YAYS!"

He jumped out from the refines of the desk. With a loud clap of his hands, a large plasmatic television of the highest quality appeared. Snatching his clicker, he brought up a picture of Bulbasaur.

"So we will start this show off with the grass-poison type Pokémon, BULBASAUR!" He switched the weight on his feet, smiled, and then continued, "This little bugger is supposedly a reptilian creature, but to me it looks like someone ate way too much salad and this came out of their ass! Not to mention, some other Pokémon must have humped him way too much because his back has swelled up enormously to the point where there's some weird bulb-like onion thing just cruising on it's back!" he said as he pointed to the various spots on the Pokémon's body.

Striding across the stage, occasionally making eye-contact with people from the live audience, Barry furrowed his eyes and proceeded on, "What I don't understand is HOW THE HELL DOES THIS THING MATE? There are no gender differences among this species of Pokémon, so how is sex initiated? Like a male Bulbasaur could be totally straight, but have sex with another male because he couldn't tell the difference and still would enjoy it."

He put his hand on his chin, sat on the top of his desk, and started talking very rapidly and excitedly. "It's obvious: anyone who owns a Bulbasaur is not a real man. Like if during orgasm, you yell out Bulbasaur, your girlfriend would probably be offended. First, girls prefer the rock type and you should have yelled out a more dominant, sexy Pokémon like Chaizard. That would be well on its way for sexual progression. Bulbasaur gets you no where, seriously! And they're smelly and I always feel uncomfortable around them!"

"Plainly, I HATE BULBASAURS!" Barry practically screamed.

Catching his attention, the director gave him the signal that it was the time for his guest to come on, which Barry promptly responded to.

Switching gears, he spoke, "Alright folks, now that you have that as a basis for your Bulbasaur knowledge, my guest, Paul Shinji, will come on and we will discuss! So, without further ado, welcome PAUL!"

Paul strode through the entrance of the stage, a scowl already fixated on his lips and sat down.

"So, Paul, you've heard my take on Bulbasaur so what's yours?"

He scowled and flicked his hair to the side. "Bulbasaur may not be the most attractive Pokémon, but as a Venusaur he would be a strong proponent on any team," he snapped, deliberately not making any sort of eye-contact to the blond.

As a confused look appeared on Barry's face, he randomly blurted out his thoughts, "So you're telling me that you don't know when you're having sex with a man or a woman?"

Not expecting such a remark, Paul's face paled and he shivered in disgust. "No, you _idiot_. What does that have to do with anything? And how the hell did you make that assumption?"

The last thing Paul wanted was to be embarrassed or humiliated or demoralized on national television. He wouldn't let anything or anyone taint his unblemished title of Champion.

In the process of yawning at Paul's bland response, Barry momentarily zoned out which only angered Paul more.

Barry broke the small instance of silence and spoke, "So, Paul, what move do you believe would best attribute Bulbasaur's abilities?"

Crossing his legs, running a hand through his polished, purple hair, and sighing, he responded, "It's pretty obvious. It would be Vine Whip. You opponent is struck with thick vines to inflict impressive damage. And with Bulbasaur's arsenal of the grass bulb on it's back, the vine whips just become that much more effective."

Barry moved around in his chair, silently giggling to himself, which made Paul nervous, and then replied, "Vine Whip? Such a poor choice since it's a pretty weak move! You know what that means! You don't vine whip your women hard enough dude!"

The clenching of his hands just merely surfaced the anger that Paul was building up. Agreeing to come on Barry's show was unknown to him, but now he instantly regretted it. Paul would never associate himself with the stupidity and audacity of people like Barry and yet he was still sitting across from the blond man. Just thinking about the fact that Paul agreed to do a three length segment – Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, and Venusar – drove him insane and he was only at the first episode out of his three.

Paul glanced at Barry and grimaced. Although, the grimace was instantly replaced with a smirk as an idea arisen. "Yeah? Well, my girlfriend seems to be liking it – the same girl that left you for me. Dawn seems to like content with my vine whips."

Lips immediately twirling downwards, Barry felt awful. He wanted to be the one to give vine whips to Dawn. In wanting to change the subject and further irritate Paul, Barry asked one more question before the thirty minute segment was to be up. "Bulbasaurs are native to Kanto and mainly gorge on plains and live in gardens. I believe that you live the same way." Gaining his confidence back, Barry smiled. "We all know that you ravage the night searching for scrumptious leaves to plow through while hiding in logs completely naked with a visor on. So I have come to the deduction that you like Bulbasaurs only because you behave like one!"

Paul's eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed "Fuck you," he growled as he was about to lunge himself at Barry from across his desk, but was incapable of doing so since Barry scurried away.

"Well, that's all for today folks! Stay tuned for next time where I will discuss Ivysaur! And guess what? Paul is going to be with us for Ivysaur and Venusaur's segment! So I'm BARRY and I will see you next time!"


End file.
